Good things come in (very) small packages

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Don't you already know what this post is about.


:D

So I received a very pleasant surprise last night, in the form of a call from the Apple store. Not quite two weeks, but I'm not complaining. And I still can't get over how small it is! I'm so scared I'm gonna drop it or accidentally swipe it off the table (read: what I do to my phone practically once a day).

Did a bout of shopping too. I am a true advocate of the concept of retail therapy. I think once you get past the part where you get guilty pangs about the money spent, you can't help but look forward to getting home and admiring your new buys. Besides, you should only feel guilty if you've forked over an exorbitant sum for something that quite obviously isn't worth it. I like to think that I spend wisely (okay la, that's a euphemism for cheapo). But I really believe that you don't have to spend loads to look good. Say you have 50 bucks. You can either use it all up by getting a fancy top, or choose to spend it on a cheaper one and have some left over for a cool accessory, which you can use to jazz up a totally different outfit. Yet with that one top, you only get one look. You learn these things when you're on a limited allowance. :)

Ooh. That was probably the most fashion-y thing I've written in awhile. I certainly do not deserve the label given to me by Mr Emo Drama Queen (who is probably cursing at me upon reading this in the comfort of a Swedish-catalog room).

1:20 AM :: ::

In Anticipation

Sunday, September 25, 2005

iPod Nano in two weeks! Wheee. I so wasn't surprised when I went down only find that they were outta stock. So I put down a deposit for the next shipment. I chose the black one. Hopefully I don't regret it! I was so indecisive standing in the Apple store. I was holding the white one and looking at the black on the revolving display, getting a glimpse of it for all of 3 seconds at a time before waiting for it to come around again. Silly.

Went down to Borders and got myself two new books:

The Coma by Alex Garland - which I have wanted for the longest time but was bloody $29 when it first came out - and Ursula, Under by Ingrid Hill. The cover is so pretty. But of course that isn't why I bought it.

Was tidying up some of my drawers and look what I found:


Old school/old-school (since they probably use foolscap paper now) exercise books! I have no idea why I still have so many left. Maybe an early sign of shopaholic tendencies at the only place to shop in school: the bookshop. And my report book! No need to go into detail about the contents. Let's just say I was never a big hit with the teachers.

Sigh. I miss those days. I don't miss the school per se, but more of the experiences there. All 10 years of it.

6:08 PM :: ::

sigh.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

1:09 AM :: ::

Quiet.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Solitude is underrated. While being around friends is great for the most part, sometimes all you want to do is just be alone. You don't have to speak if you don't feel like it - no need to entertain questions about how you've been (the same); what you did yesterday (nothing much, as always); whether you've found a job (if I did do you think I'd be here listening to you?).

Okay, so don't go striking me off your friends list just yet. Obviously I don't feel that way all the time. I'd be one sad grouch, otherwise. But I guess somedays you simply need that break from everything and everyone, and not have to make explanations about anything.

Maybe this slight aversion to human interaction is a build-up of all the things I've kept inside. So much energy goes into keeping them there, that I'm left with only a smidgen that doesn't seem to be enough to even handle a conversation. With people I hardly know, I always worry about having nothing to say, because I seem to have this hidden mechanism that prevents me from putting my thoughts into words. Either it comes out in a mess, or not at all. Most of the time, it's the latter.

Having said that, silence doesn't always signal boredom or awkwardness. Sometimes silence can be good. Just taking a minute to be quiet and not add to the noise around you. I hate it when people ask "why are you so quiet?". Then, even though I'm perfectly fine not talking, I feel obliged to think of something to talk about, which makes the situation even more awkward. So if you ever find yourself sitting opposite me in silence, enjoy it. You probably won't find anyone else who gives you so much time to just shut up and take it all in.

Radiohead - How To Disappear Completely

3:23 PM :: ::

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

Sunday, September 18, 2005

She was young - about 15 maybe - clad in a loose-fitting t-shirt and bootcut jeans that were folded up at the hems to fall over strappy sandals with a 2-inch heel. Earrings; a necklace made up of a thin leather cord and a pendant; barefaced, with the exception of shimmery purple eyeshadow on her top lids. Such awkward incongruity could only be evidence of the average adolescent girl in the process of growing up.

I recognised this in her the moment I saw her, somehow. Perhaps it wasn't so much a presumption but rather a reminder of how I was once at that point in my life. That point where everyone still treats you like a kid but inside you feel as though you're old enough to do everything your parents forbid you to do. It's so true that the younger you are, the quicker you wish you'd grow up. Oh, I can't wait till I turn 16. And 18. And 21. Thereafter, you wish you could go back to being a kid, run around and play on the swings forever.

Life is full of choices, some say. But there isn't always one. At the end of the day, we're denied the choice of whether we live or die. Whether you're naughty or nice, you still end up six feet under someday. And it's the lack of control over precisely this, that makes the concept of life so scary sometimes.

The sight of elderly people always tugs at my heart. Most of them have this perpetual look of sadness on their faces that seems to come with the inevitability of growing old. Maybe it's just the merciless work of gravity - or maybe it's really the cruelty of life. I always look at them and wonder if they're happy. If their children are still part of their lives. If they have grandchildren whose mere presence makes them feel like everything they've been through in life is justified after all.

I don't think it's just seeing the elderly and questioning their happiness that saddens me each time. I believe that part of it also comes from the realisation that one day, I'll be that same picture of woe.

5:10 PM :: ::

Pick me, pick me!... Or not.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

So I had an interview today.

Just like I do with almost anything good that comes my way, I wanted to keep it to myself in case I screwed up. I hate it when you have to explain to people who ask. No, it's not their fault when they do. I know it's only out of concern (or in some cases, pure nosiness), so when I am put in the position of having to re-enact a failure, I know I only have myself to blame.

Well anyway, it didn't go so badly. It was quite a strange experience actually. The thing is, I initially knew that it was a part-time position, but what I didn't know was that it's a permanent thing. I asked if there was an opportunity for me to advance from there, but they said that it wasn't likely at the moment. So began the task of trying to convince them that I was enthusiastic about the job. Except, I was also talking myself into it at the same time. Was I really keen on a permanent part-time job? It's almost as though I went in there with such determination to talk them into hiring me, that I wasn't even considering if I wanted to be hired. So I guess at this point, I wouldn't be too upset even if I didn't get the job. I think they were expecting someone who was still in the midst of studying and wanted to earn some money on the side, not someone who'd completed their studies and should logically be looking for something "better".

Ah well. Shall see how it goes. The silly thing is that I didn't even ask about the pay. Stupid, I know. It crossed my mind at the beginning, but I kinda forgot about it after awhile. Besides, I don't know why, but I find it really hard to ask about money. Sheesh. I'm sucha dumbass.

1:13 AM :: ::

Cuban music, anyone?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

I want to go for this: The Bar at Buena Vista.

But I doubt anyone else would go with me :(

8:47 PM :: ::

What goes up must come down.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Limb by limb, tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me
Every day, every hour
I wish that I was bullet proof.

11:32 PM :: ::

One Sunday Morning

My new tunes :)


So I had an early start to my Sunday. At 9am I was, amazingly, out of bed without any difficulty. Had breakfast with my dad and little bro at Cafe Cartel at Serangoon Gardens.

Okay, I'm going to rant a bit here. We'd just got seated, when I looked up and noticed a woman standing by our table, evidently wanting to pass behind my dad. The place was pretty cramped, so my dad's chair was up against another from the table behind him. After about 2 seconds, my dad saw her and moved his chair to let her pass. Later, another table became available, so my dad said he wanted to move. It was then that I found out the woman had actually kicked his chair, instead of saying "excuse me" like any civilised person would do. I was so pissed off! No wonder he was so adamant about changing tables. Furthermore, she kept walking back and forth to the bread table, which kind of made her seem even more irritating. Every time she did that I'd turn and glare at her. Seriously, how hard is it to open your mouth and say those two little words? I also hate it when people just stand there and expect you to make way for them, like you're supposed to KNOW. Where are your manners you bloody assholes.

Anyway, we dropped my bro off at church after that, and on the way there, I swear I saw roadkill in the form of a little black kitten! That was quite upsetting.

Went to get my eyesight checked too (no, this and swearing I saw a kitten are mutually exclusive things). Surprisingly it's stayed pretty much the same since the last time I checked, which was quite some years ago. So my dad and I went and did a small bout of shopping, before finally heading home.

I love Sundays like these.
(Minus the rude hags and roadkill).

6:04 PM :: ::

In lieu of a proper entry

Saturday, September 10, 2005

1:31 PM :: ::

Wish You Were Here

Thursday, September 08, 2005

This song has been playing over and over in my head the whole of last night and this morning. I love the lyrics.

"So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here."

- Pink Floyd

Wheee. Going to meet my babes for lunch soon. Only for like 2 hours or so, though. They're such busy bees. :(

11:45 AM :: ::

Rockstar: INXS

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

The only show I'd wake up at 9am to watch.

If you haven't heard of it, where've you been for the past 9 weeks?! I was hooked after the first episode. Forget American Idol - these people may not be perfect vocalists, but they are such awesome performers and they have so much charisma. Well anyway, if this is alien to you, it's basically a competition whereby the winner gets to front INXS. Although, I'm not exactly looking forward to the ending, since I enjoy watching them perform each week. Ah well. I am rooting for Marty and Suzie! (Even though Mig is so incredibly sexy.)

:D

9:33 PM :: ::

And the days drag on

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

[edit] Donnie Darko has got to be, by far, the most mindbending film I have ever seen. I think I'm beginning to comprehend the whole thing, after watching it again and reading up on it. I shall perhaps attempt to watch it a third time, and see if I am intellectually capable of fully understanding it.
If you've seen it, it'd be interesting to hear your interpretation of it. [/edit]

21st century patriotism.
My dad flew back last night. I'm always glad when my dad is home. His presence kind of completes the family picture. After we picked him up at the airport, he felt like going to the hawker centre for some grub. No one else wanted to go, so I told him I'd accompany him, even though I wasn't hungry. Somehow I couldn't bear to let him go alone, especially since he's spent the last 10 weeks or so away in a foreign country. While part of me is used to him being away so often, the thought of him being so physically far away for his job just tugs at my heart.

I am wasting the days away like there's no tomorrow (sometimes I wish there wasn't). I think I might try and make use of the time by working on some personal projects. Like devising a storage solution for my constantly growing collection of accessories, perhaps.

Alter Bridge - Down To My Last

1:04 PM :: ::

You know your life sucks when you find yourself reaching for the Classifieds everyday

Sunday, September 04, 2005

As I was finishing up an email that would accompany my resume to yet another prospective employer, I found that I hesitated as I started to move the cursor toward 'send'. I re-read the words that I had typed, scanning through for any mistakes. I checked that I had, indeed, remembered to attach the file. But still, there was that distinct wavering.

I realised that greater than the dread of hitting a dead end yet again, I was afraid of what might happen if I actually got the job.

There is that fear of not being up to par, of being crap at what you do. Back in school, you have that invisible net - which is the rationale that you're 'merely a student' - in case you mess up.
But I don't have that anymore.

That said, I really wouldn't mind working right now (even though I know I'm gonna regret saying that from the first sounds of the alarm on that first day). But life is getting quite boring, and everyone seems to be caught up in their own lives anyway. So what the hell. Besides, shopping is an expensive habit.

Radiohead - Paranoid Android

11:37 PM :: ::