Thursday, March 31, 2005

Sometimes when everything gets so frustrating, amidst the chaos, I wish I just didn't exist.

I'm being random but Alter Bridge's "Broken Wings" music video is creepy. Reminds me of those Stephen King short stories I've been burying my nose in. Awesome song, nonetheless.

I keep quoting songs nowadays. But sometimes it's just amazing how everything can be said in a few lines.

"Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you've got now
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose"

Switchfoot - This Is Your Life

9:53 PM :: ::

Monday, March 28, 2005

"I have given everything I could
But I don't think it really even matters
Maybe nothing does


What would you give?"


Dishwalla - Give

12:51 AM :: ::

Saturday, March 26, 2005

[edit] updated this [/edit]

I have not clubbed in two weeks. *twitch*

I so need more friends. Anyone?

I miss this bitch.



I hate SMU cause it's stealing you away from me! Oh, and that other thing (ok, person) who you see/talk to more often than you do with us.

...

I love Le-aa :)



Have slightly more than a week off from school, which started after Wednesday's totally fuckedup exam. That's the worst paper I've done in awhile. Not that it was that hard, just that everything I (tried to) study got messed up and lost in my head. I couldn't remember like a ton of points. Oh but screw it. I've never been one to dwell on a crappy exam. I'm always the one going "yahyah enough I don't wanna think about it anymore" when everyone's like oh what answer did you get, shit I got this wrong blahblahblah. Whatever. I mean, I can't do anything bout it now right? My own damn fault for not studying properly.

***

Sometimes when I sit and look at people passing by and I start to wonder what their lives are like. Where are they going? Where have they been?
I especially like seeing families. A mother, a father, a kid. With bags of groceries in one hand, and the other keeping the little tyke out of trouble. I like to imagine they're going home to cosy houses with warm, dim lighting, with the curtains and windows open to the view of a sky of blue melting into deep orange. The aroma of a typical Chinese dinner being cooked wafting in the air, with background noise coming from family banter and the television set. Later, a bedtime story and a kiss goodnight.

The simple things in life; often fill you up better than all the fancy things money can buy.

Pete Murray - So Beautiful

12:56 AM :: ::

Monday, March 21, 2005

I had a strange dream last night. In it, I had this wound on the left side of my chest, just below my shoulder (imagine where you'd place your hand to feel your heartbeat). I can't remember how I got it, though. And just like how a bandage would stick to a damp wound as a scab starts to form, my top kept sticking to it, and every few minutes I'd slowly peel it away from the wound. It was pretty deep, almost like a cavity. I remember it didn't hurt, but I could feel it there.

It was so vivid. When I woke up from the dream in the middle of the night, I had to put my hand there to make sure it wasn't real.


"To see a wound in your dream, is symbolic of grief, anger, and distress. You are looking to be healed."



Would you, please?

9:32 PM :: ::

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Someone, please pry this pack of milk chocolate coated raisins from my clutches. Alternatively, everyone else in the world should be fat. >:(

Today, I was on the train on the way home, when this guy sitting beside me suddenly started talking to me. He asked if he was on the right train blahblahblah, then tried to continue a conversation. I was kinda freaked out, but I still kept talking to him, albeit really hesitantly. After we exchanged a few words, he asked if he was disturbing me. I said "oh, no it's okay". What was I thinking right? I should've said "uhh, yes you are", but I'd just feel bad.
And I even reminded him that his stop was the next one, just before I left.

Bitchy as I can be, sometimes I think I'm too soft.

Something I've thought about:
Before/when you get into a relationship with someone, are you already thinking about the future? I mean, do you actually see yourself being with that person for the rest of your life, even marrying them? Because if you don't, then aren't you just consciously setting yourself up for a breakup? Hmmm.

I feel like:
- my life is in a bag that's coming apart at the seams.
- shopping. No, actually I don't. I just want the part where I get new stuff. I'm too tired to shop.
- a friggin blob.

Embrace - Looking As You Are

10:26 PM :: ::

Friday, March 18, 2005

The whole bimbo shopping layout was fun for about a day. This is how I'm really feeling.

Revamped the guestbook too. In case you were interested.

12:55 AM :: ::

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

"I've been thinking
I've been thinking I've been thinking too much
I just want to live now for a little while
And cast my dreams to the wind"

Vonda Shepard - Maryland

11:16 PM :: ::

Sunday, March 13, 2005

I am such a bloody klutz, I amaze myself with my stupidity. Last night, I broke two eggs in the span of a minute. I'd just got home from Zouk and I kind of felt like something to eat, so I thought hey, maybe i'll cook eggs. So I grab two eggs, and simultaneously try to close the plastic egg tray.

*crack*

If you haven't managed to put two and two together, that's the sound of one poor little egg hitting the floor. Which by the way, is a real pain in the ass to clean up, since it doesn't really get absorbed by whatever you're trying to clean it up with (in my case, that would be a whole bunch of paper towels). So I curse myself and place the surviving egg down just in case, and reach for another one. Strangely enough, it seemed to be stuck in the egg tray (probably trying to resist a fate similar to its former compatriot). So I tried to pry it out.

*crackFUCK*

That's the sound of an egg breaking in my hand, and me being utterly aghast at my luck.

And today I dropped my camera while the lens was out! So now there's tiny dent on it. I think going by the amount of times I've dropped it, I'll need to get a new one soon. :((

Note to self: Don't touch anything ever again.

Dishwalla - Drawn Out

1:46 AM :: ::

Thursday, March 10, 2005

I want to go for the Bebel Gilberto concert!

I wish I had someone to take me too (yes, this is a dig at you, bitch. haha).

Just a heads up, I'm going to be random today (what's new).

Somehow I prefer the guys of American Idol this time around. Maybe because none of the girls have really blown me away. Anyway, my favourites of the guys are Anwar Robinson, Mario Vasquez, and Nikko Smith. Mario reminds me of Justin Timberlake. HOT! :D
IMHO, out of all the girls, Vonzell, Carrie Underwood and Jessica Sierra are the best.

Ok, this ain't a television review site. So I'm stopping there.

I think I tend to analyse things a little bit too much. If you read my blog on a regular basis you maay just have picked that up. Maybe I should stop trying to read in between the lines, and just takes things for what they are. Then again, things aren't always what they seem. See. There I go again. Heading in all directions, and eventually arriving nowhere. I'd make a horrible Amazing Race-r.

I don't seem to really learn from my mistakes. Take today for example. I decided to wear a pair of pumps that I've only worn like twice.

Me: (thinking to self) Yeah, I hardly wear these. What a waste, they're so nice. Maybe I should wear them today. I mean, yeah I got horrid blisters the last two times, but maybe if I put on plasters before I leave the house, it'll pre-empt the nasty things right?

Ok, this might be amusing (and thus justify me even writing about it) if you play it in your head, and cut the next scene to me hobbling around town in pain.

God. I have vicious heel-eating shoes. Not even TWO bloody (not literally) plasters on each heel could keep the blisters at bay. >:( And it hurt like $#!*&@#!*@! when I showered. I literally froze for a minute at the sting of the water touching them. Yes, ouch.

Lastly, stop being stalkers, y'all! Hit me with some comments or whatever. I'm really interested to know who reads my crap. You don't have to play nice and agree with what I say. I know I run in circles alot when it comes to the things I write. But like that line in The Woodsman goes, "by going in circles, we find things we missed the first time around". Uh huh. Pretty good movie I must say.

Snoop Dogg - Signs

12:56 AM :: ::

Monday, March 07, 2005

Is honesty really the best policy?

Last Saturday, my girlfriends and I were having another one of our more “intellectual” conversations (that didn’t involve shopping). How truthful should you be with your friends? Can you really tell each other everything?

Say a friend (let’s call him/her X) feels strongly against a particular issue (let’s say it’s bicycle shorts), but you are really into bicycle shorts (*shudder*). Should you discuss your love for bicycle shorts with X when you know he/she gets upset by it? Or maybe you should keep that part of your life secret from X. But aren’t good friends supposed to be able to tell each other everything?

Okay, a facetious fashion faux pas aside, this is an interesting topic. Consider that there are moral issues involved.

In short (yes, it’s a pun!), should X just take it all in, and simply be there for you, or does he/she have the right to be upset with you? I can really relate to this, since I think I do have friends with whom I can share certain things with, and others who I know would not appreciate such things. It’s like the friends who you can be a total dumbass in front of (swearing and all), and the others who you make you feel like having to walk on eggshells around.

The easy way out, and one that I’m sure most would take, would be to just hide the truth from them. If ignorance is bliss, and we want our friends to be happy, why not? Yet, the deception would probably eat away at your friendship. Times with each other would be strained, as you mentally censor everything before it comes out as meaningless, superficial banter. I know I am not the best candidate to say all this. God knows I tend to distance myself from even my closest friends sometimes. But that's just me. And it's not how I want to be, but I'm working on it, despite how tough it is to change.

I’ve concluded that while honesty isn’t necessarily the best policy, it still is a sign of complete trust. If your friend has enough faith in your friendship to tell you everything, take it. If what they have to say upsets you, tell them. If they love you enough, they should be driven to change. Isn’t it all about give and take?

True friendship should be about sharing: the good and the bad; the laughter and tears. Even electric blue Lycra bicycle shorts.

*shudder*

6:23 PM :: ::

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Omg I am like sooo psyched! I had such a friggin GREAT day. I love the weather. I love people. I love life. I looove the world!! <333


...


Yeah, right. Whose blog do you think this is?

***

It would be nice to trust a little bit more. To have a little more faith. Have more optimism.

But would it, really?

"Mr Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think"

It's like when you've been closed up for as long as you can remember, and when you finally open up, it just fucks up.

Aren't we all afraid of that?

11:35 PM :: ::

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Objects of Desire



You love shopping too, don't you? Just a hint in case you're feeling generous. *grin*

It's raining like a motherrr right now. Such a huge contrast from the absurdly scorching weather we've been having lately. You know what? I think I prefer the sun. I love rain too, but that's only when I'm nice and snug indoors. The rain makes it a bitch to have a social life.

Rain, rain, go away! (please?)

When I was younger I used to wonder how some people could actually like the taste of alcohol. But I find that I do kinda like it now. I like wine. I like champagne. I sorta like beer. I don't mind tequila. I don't mind rum. But my face still puckers at the taste of vodka. Ok, that was a pointless confession, but hey, bet it was still something you didn't know. I guess maybe it's not so much about liking the taste, but rather the feeling it gives you. No elucidation needed here.

If you've noticed, I'm just being random today. Spontaneous. Impetuous. Typing whatever comes to mind.

Unfortunately, my train of thought has reached the end of the line for today.

3 Doors Down - Landing in London

1:11 PM :: ::

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Drive by Bic Runga



I swear by this album for the solitude of late nights/ wallowing in melancholy/ simply mellowing out.

"Now my fingers are cold
But I have touched you
You're all I need to know
Don't fade from me now
I know you're listening somehow"

- Bic Runga : Bursting Through

12:53 AM :: ::