Wednesday, January 26, 2005
It is the 26th of January.
In 5 days' time, it will be February.
In 13 days' time, it will be Chinese New Year.
Don't think my dad is coming back after all. :( Somehow I don't even feel much like buying new clothes. That is bloody peculiar for a shopaholic clothes whore like myself. But seriously. The spirit is just gone, with 2/5 of my family absent.
...
Oh heck. I'm just gonna get me some new clothes anyway.
In 18 days' time, it will be Valen-fucking-tine's Day.
If you've got a special someone to spend it with, terrific. If not, so what? I realise I may come across as bitter, but I am not. I just find it ridiculous to moan about being alone on a day that is just like any another, albeit a different name for it and overpriced roses. Come on, guys. Don't force yourself to go out and then whinge about all the lovey-dovey couples scattered about. You wouldn't go see a horror movie if you know you're gonna be scared shitless right? Sure, it's an excuse to go out and have fun, whether with your boyfriend/girlfriend, or fellow fabulous single friends. But otherwise, it's merely a field day for Hallmark and florists.
Speaking of 'special' days, I hate it when people go, "It's Friday/Saturday night! Why aren't you out?!". Hello. My life is not defined by what day of the week it is, thankyouverymuch. If I want to go out, I will. If not, contrary to popular belief, I will not die a slow and painful death in the comfort of my own home.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Was just reading some old diary (not blog) entries from few years back. (I've kept a diary ever since I was like, 8? Hardly write in it now though. Call it laziness.) I've deduced that I am essentially the same person I was when I was 16. Minus a good part of the angst. I'm still emotional, and I still have many of the flaws that I used to have. But I think what has changed is my ability to handle them. My life still revolves around my closest friends, and like I wrote in my diary, some 3 years ago, "I cannot imagine life without them".
***
I think emotions are our greatest weakness. They're often consuming and irrational, and can break down even the strongest of us. Head versus Heart. What a fight. So how do we make sure we do the right thing, when we're up against such an overwhelming force?
We can't.
Nobody's perfect, and we all make mistakes. Yada yada yada, I know. I'm not here to regurgitate cliches, but it's conveniently true. Although the decisions we make aren't always the best ones, who's to say that it could've been any better? Some of us spend our whole lives tearing ourselves apart, thinking about what might have been (yours truly included). Perhaps life is just like a game. You roll the dice, and you play on with what you've got. There are endless possibilities to winning the game, and the route you take doesn't matter as much as how you deal with it.
In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives?"
Finger Eleven - Thousand Mile Wish
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Belle's best bubbly bright beautiful bimbotic bitchy babe :)
Favourite Foursome :)
Splendid Scorpio Shopping Solitaire Supermarketing Sister :)
I've thus reached my alliteration quota for the day.
N.E.R.D - Don't Worry About It
Monday, January 17, 2005
Three (of the many) things that I've pondered about:
1) The phenomenon that is... sleeping.
Some nights as I lay in bed, I start to think about how strange it is that we can drift off to this state called 'sleep', and then wake up hours later as though no time had passed at all. It's no wonder sleeping is considered a hobby. Time flies when you're unconscious, right? Ok, I'm sorry, am I alone in this? I am just fascinated.
Maybe a little too easily.
2) Colour
When I was in Sec 2(?), we learnt all about light in Science class. We learnt that it is through the reflection of light off objects that produces the colour that we see. So did this mean that the actual objects aren't coloured?
I was really confused during this chapter.
3) Prepositions
How come you are "on the train", "on the bus", "on the plane", but you aren't "on the car"?
Yeah, okay. I know the English language has lotsa funny loopholes. But this was just something I thought about when I was, yup, on the train.
So now you know what I think about. What about you?
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Haven't been able to sleep for the past two nights. Woke up yesterday to horrribly aching bones. Still got myself outta the house to meet Jie. Felt pretty bad till I took some Panadol. Was quite tired for the rest of the day, and I figured, 'hey, I'll probably be able to sleep really well tonight.'
But noo.
Went to bed at 11pm, feeling relatively sleepy.
At 2 am, I was still wide awake.
Drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the night. Woke up at 9 am for school. Felt like hell and I contemplated staying home, but by then I was already dressed and everything, so I just popped more Panadol and dragged my weakened ass to school. Thankfully I felt alot better after awhile. Still feeling a little under the weather. Hopefully it goes away soon. Most of all, I just hope I can get some sleep tonight.
I have newfound empathy for insomniacs.
Finger Eleven - One Thing
Monday, January 10, 2005
I think I tend to keep things to myself so that if and when they fall apart, I wouldn't have to explain anything to anyone.
Was reading some of my past entries, and it was pretty interesting, to say the least. Don't remember coming up with half of the things I wrote. I suppose it's cos most of the time they're spur of the moment ramblings.
I'm being random. I don't really have anything to say but I just felt like blogging. Haha.
Watched 'Being Julia' today. It's a pretty good show. Sad, yet manages to emerge triumphant. :)
I need new clothes. (Sorry, the bimbotic rambling is inevitable. Cut me some slack, I hardly do this anymore.) My wardrobe is depressing. I'm so bored of it, I resort to occasionally re-arranging everything, according to color or style. It works momentarily, before I start to realise that it, well, doesn't. Bah. I need money. But okay, who doesn't right? I'll shut up now.
Oh, Chinese New Year is coming! But don't let the exclamation mark fool you, it denotes more excitement than I actually mean to express. I used to love it. What with buying new clothes (to collect angpows in), and seeing all my relatives (to collect angpows from). Oh, and collecting angpows too. Haha. Well yeah, but nowadays there just aren't that many people to visit anymore. I used to love coming to my grandparent's place and we'd have like a big family reunion (I say 'coming' because I now live here, for the uninitiated). I don't know. I guess even though everyone makes a fuss about what a chore it is to see your relatives and all, at the end of it, it's just nice to know that you have a family right? I mean, after you get through the whole "so got boyfriend or not?"/"so what are you doing now?"/"how old are you now?"/"wah, so big already ah", sometimes you just sit there and watch everyone being boisterous and just having fun, and you can't help but feel a sense of completeness.
Okay, I suppose I can't speak for everyone. So that's just how I feel. This CNY will prob be even worse cos my bro isn't around. My dad's still away but apparently he's gonna try to come back. :( I don't really think about it much when he's away cos I'm not that close to him, but everytime he comes back I realise how much I miss having him around. Somehow I just feel really secure with him around. And I don't know why, but I like talking to him. We never had that good a relationship cos he used to be really strict with me, and I kind of resented him a little for that. But now I feel as though he trusts me, and I try and hang on to that because it's really important to me.
Whoa. Longest blog entry in awhile I should think. Don't know what made me say all that. But like I mentioned before. Spur of the moment.
Natalie Imbruglia - City
Thursday, January 06, 2005
It sure doesn't feel like a new year does it? But then again, when does it really ever? On the threshold of a new year, nothing physically changes. The world still seems the same. The trees are still green, the sky is still blue. The only thing that changes is the last digit of the date you write for streams of paperwork at school or at work. Little seemingly insignificant digits that keep the calendar publishers in business.
It still feels like the holidays for me. Have classes on Tuesdays and Wednesdays this term. Class yesterday was cancelled so I went out with Jie instead. Before that, I went to the airport to see my bro off on his exchange to California. How fun! Will definitely miss having him around for the next 6 months. Haha. (If you get to read this, take care and be safe!)
I'm hoping this term I'll remember all the times I've cursed myself about doing last minute work. Shall mentally add to that my non-existent list of New Year resolutions. Seriously, do people even stick to them? They're so overrated. You don't even need the reason of a new year to make resolutions anyway. Like hey, I'm a jack-ass, but it's only July. Maybe I'll resolve to be nicer next year. 5 more months to be an asshole.
Every day is your new year.
Maroon 5 : Rag Doll
Sunday, January 02, 2005
New year. New beginnings. New layout.
I like this one. It is christened Version One, significant of a fresh start.
The past few years seemed to have bled into one another. 2004 began on a high note; a trip with my best friends - and ended with the company of those same people. All that happened in between was relatively noteworthy, but perhaps like all great stories, it is the beginning and the end that is most important.
New Year's Eve was pretty fun (alcohol makes everything fun).
Drinks + good company + laughter + hugs & kisses = a wicked beginning.